When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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