Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
