when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
They have beer where we have blood.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
