I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
