Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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