Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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