I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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