Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
