ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
