I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
