when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
