How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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