Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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