I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
