I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the condom got lost in my hair
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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