a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
