if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
