you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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