At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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