I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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