Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
