Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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