you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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