Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
