On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
