I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm really busy with my period
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