Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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