Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
