and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
