so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
