Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
