My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
