the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
