stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
