Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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