I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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