It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
