we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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