I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
