I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
