Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
