so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
