We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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