I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
