her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
