Her vagina should come with caution tape.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
