We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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