either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
