Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
