I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
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